Dear PR People

I know Cision has however many hundreds of thousands of phone numbers of reporters, but don’t call any of them. Don’t call them ever. Don’t call them unless they say “call me” and then give you a number. No, I know you sent them an email. No, I know you didn’t get a response to it. No, I know they didn’t respond to your follow-up. Don’t call them. No, I know your boss said to call them, don’t do it. Don’t.

Don’t call or even send me a text message. One way to seriously piss me off is for you to somehow get a hold of my number and contact me through there. Don’t listen to Nike. Don’t do it. I don’t store your phone number, you don’t store mine. If I somehow give you my phone number out of my own insanity, don’t even think of saving it. It’s useless. I will never pick up your phone calls and I will never reply to your text messages. There will be no communication through a phone number. My phone number is not for work.